Friday, January 6, 2017

Keeping a Positive Attitude

Hello Luvs,

Wow! The weekend is upon us once more. Crazy how some days seem to go on forever while weeks skip by. So many memories to be made and shared. I often stop in my spot, take in several deep breaths, and remember to cherish that moment...the moment I'm in.
Does this picture tell
ALL of the story?

Meditation has helped me in so many ways. When I find myself in a situation that has the potential to lead me down a negative road I rely on my breathing and connection to my surroundings to get me through. Of course there are times when a situation must be dealt with. But now...what I do in that situation seems more level headed and open. The level of anxiety is not as high and the recovery is quicker. I have to thank mediation teacher Michelle DuVal of the Mindful Center for giving me the tools I use. If you would like to see what she offers simply pop onto the website link below.

Mindful Center- themindfulcenter.com

So....what made be so reliant on this 'be present and accept what is happening' way of thinking? Well, I have been dealing with some health issues. Some problems involving my hands have increased both in symptoms and pain level. Right now, in the present, both hands along with the bones and muscle are vibrating a dull pain with a sharp poke thrown in at any given time. Grabbing items sometimes means them falling on the floor. My nights are filled with waking up to hands that are frozen in place, swollen, and filled with a pain similar to when your hands have been bare in the freezing cold. That sharp hard to really truly describe pain. I shake them then stretch them out then I straighten my arms so they are not folded below my head.....after all of this I find myself repeating the same thing over and over throughout the night when I am once again awakened by the pain.
Lovely square bruise left
by the needle. OUCH!

I usually do not share these things. Giving light out into the world is what I aim to do. When thinking about what the blog's focus should be today I found myself rubbing my hands and brought back to the pain of the testing I had done yesterday. I went through two different types of craziness. First it was a prod that was placed on around eight different spots on each arm/hand. In some areas it would start off manageable and others had me actually vocalizing my level of pain. The next location was where I experienced the 3 inch needle being poked in (you guessed it) eight spots on both hands/arms. The neurologist warned me that it was going to hurt. That it would be downhill from there (especially in my hands)....and BOY WAS HE RIGHT. Feeling the need for release through words seems like something that I should do for my sanity. Others who are going through something similar should know that I understand. 
Art has a way of brightening my day.
Piece- Thomas Burke (based in Brooklyn)
http://www.western-project.com/artists/thomas-burke-2/

My health story has a long and and frustrating text. The uphill battle of trying to find out just what is wrong with me. Then having doctor's trying to medicate me because they are not sure what's happening. Something IS...they say...but it will take time. Put even simpler...because it has not bit their nose yet! It has been a waiting game until the underlying condition rears it's head. Is it Lupus (some family members have it), fibromyalgia, arthritis, or something else? Keeping things like this in does the opposite. It simply manifests itself in other ways.

Keeping a positive attitude while going through this has been working against me in others eyes. Because I wear what I wear, am not grey in color, and not hunched over I am fine. I look ok...so what could possibly be wrong. You look great! is what I hear with doubt resting itself right below the surface. My positive attitude has kept me sane, present with my children, empathetic to others, and smiling because I really truly feel like it. Even after I eventually receive a diagnosis I will have smiled like a cheshire cat, laughed from deep in my belly, taken in then photographed amazing places/things, and shared IT ALL with you!
BE Light...BE Thankful...
but most of all....BE YOURSELF!



Til next time,

Kat

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