Today I am finally in a position to face the grief I feel for the loss of a dear friend. Min came into my life because her cousin who is one of my Besties. From the moment I met her she held my heart and was a forever friend. The kind where no matter how long it has been since you've seen each other it is always as if it was yesterday.
She was a support system for many because she never faltered. When a situation called for it she took you in her arms and reassured you. However, she might tell you to snap out of it in a way that was not insulting but instead a testament that you can handle the situation. She was the brace capable of holding you up. Min was a beautiful soul. Being gracious and kind to not only me but to everyone in her life was just who she was. I found out recently that this kindhearted soul passed away earlier this year.
The last time I saw her was for my birthday celebration with our group of close knit friends in San Francisco. She picked me up at the airport along with her cousin Mihwa (the bestie I mentioned previously). There was so much to catch up on yet it seemed as if I had just moved away. I am beyond lucky having friends from my 20's that will always remain so. As life hands us many things our hearts remain linked by an unbreakable chain. Min was such a friend.
Just typing 'was' throughout this blog hurts my heart and soul. I know others have felt this type of loss. I thought that the death of another friend a few years ago was rough, but this one is throwing me for a loop, pressing me down to the ground, and making it hard to breathe. Looking at a picture sent by Mihwa reignites burning tears every time.
The reason I find the news especially hard is because there was a wedding I did not attend. I would have been able to hug her and tell her how much I missed seeing her. She had been battling cancer for several years, and a part of me thinks that she would not have wanted to make the happy occasion about her because that is who she was. Still, I feel guilty about not going...Why??? Obviously I have unresolved issues regarding not being there. My reasoning seemed to make sense at the time. I had no idea of what she was going through (especially these last few years). I was there in spirit, but should have been there in body. Not only for the Mihwa on her special day but for Min. Sitting down, catching up, laughing out loud, and quite simply being in their presence. A presence that never sours. Did she know how much she meant to me? My hope is yes, and that she passed away with her loved ones telling her how much brighter she made the world. Without her here with us it seems darker. Her family is one in which others aspire, and they were her brace in her final moments among them.
As I write this I know that her family and friends are finding it just as hard to come to terms with the loss of HER. Coming across her picture on Google+ brings everything back to the surface, and has made me finally lose it and accept her passing in my heart....and this heart is shriveled.
To honor Min...the smile that warms a heart...A sense of honesty that was never harsh....and A Woman you could always count on.
With your light you traveled
Through the hearts of those you met
Leaving each with a ran of sunshine
Which for others is very hard to grasp
Never changing from a generous soul
Kind smiles that mirror back
Though tears run down my cheeks
I still can't find a place to grieve
For you can never be replaced
A Being made powerful by Faith
So I send out my broken heart
To you, for Luv, it's torn apart
Please heal it once more with your Grace
And know that I will never forget your face
For Min 2016
Til next time,